The Redheaded Stranger

The Numbers Have It

2011-04-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

My baby is 8 months old today.
The oldest "baby" will be 5 years old in 3 weeks 5 days.
The eldest girl child is 3 years, 3 months, 7 days.
Spent 1 hour picking children up from preschool today.
I will spend 6 hours teaching piano this week.
5 diaper changes so far.
2 tantrums, 3 time outs.
My last solo piano recital was 6.5 years ago.
I have been pregnant 4 times.
I spent 6 years of my life in music school.
2 loads of laundry so far today.
3 more to go.
1 trip to the grocery store.
I have been pregnant or nursing for 5.16 years of my life.
A 15 minute shower.
2 naps (sadly, not for me).
Performed in Bates Recital Hall 1 time, Jessen Hall 3 times.
4 trips to other countries.
5 ER visits with children.
There are only 24 hours in a day.
6 hours of consecutive sleep would be nice.
I am 34 years old.
I went to Disneyworld 12 and 29 years ago.
My mom is 31 years older than me.
I am 31 and 33 years older than my daughters.
Sean is 9 months younger than me.
10 years of marriage sounds like a long time. It really isn't.
4 more months until the start of kindergarten.

The Birth of Julia Claire or How to Almost Give Birth in a Van

2010-09-03T18:22:00.000-07:00

I'd like to say that I had one of those births where we lit candles, held hands, and sang Kumbaya..... but that just wouldn't be true. I'd also like to say that no animals were harmed in the making of this birth story.... but that wouldn't be true either.

At lunch on Tuesday the 24Th, I had half-joked to friends that I was definitely going to go into labor that night due to the full moon and a "cool" front that was supposed to come through that evening. Evidently my powers of intuition are stronger than I thought. That night, after going to my usual yoga class, and taking my usual "let's get things going" waddle- ahem, walk- around the neighborhood, I noticed something. "Hey, could it be an honest-to-god contraction? And, hey, was that another one?"

At home, we watched some sort of documentary and I continued to take notice of said contractions. They were pretty far apart, but were enough to make me sit up and take notice. I decided to make lunches for the kids, lay out school clothes and complete any last lists of instructions for those caring for the kids. I still fully expected everything to come to a grinding halt when I went to bed, though.

That was not the case. After we went to bed, I found myself just hoping that things could hold off til morning so I wouldn't have to wake anyone out of a dead sleep. I mean, I know my friends would give their left arm for us, but they'd probably rather do it on a full night's sleep. I had predicted all along that this baby would probably be born somewhere in the wee hours, given my track record for giving birth twice at 4AM. At least everyone was forewarned. After about an hour and a half of pondering what I should do, I asked Sean to call the midwife. We spoke, and I felt really lucid, which led her to believe that birth was a ways off. I reminded her about my last 4 hour labor and how far I live from the birthing center, but she didn't seem to think things were too urgent at the moment. Ha!

As soon as I stood up to walk around, everything changed. No more talking, no more conversation. The only thought I had was "I need to get out of here and go have this baby!!" Of course, when it is 1AM and you've got 2 sleeping children in your house, you can't just up and leave. Even if you want to. So, I staggered around the house while waiting for our incredibly wonderful friend who had agreed to camp out at our house. At some point in this waiting I went from zen master to a crazy laboring lady. This probably should have been a clue that time was of the essence. I think I grunted something at our friend as I stumbled out to the van and began calling for Sean to get his butt out there. Little did I know the fun that was about to begin.

As we got on the road, I thought we were home free. I knew I could rely on my dear husband to drive like a bat out of hell, ignoring all lights and speed limits. Mo-PAC is a safe road, right? Not too much traffic to worry about, right? And then.... "Hey what is that?!!!" and a few other choices words. THUD. And then a horrible screeching noise started coming from our front driver side wheel.

Oh. My. God. I'm in labor. In a minivan. And we just hit a coyote running across Mo-PAC. This can't be happening to me.

I think the first words out of my mouth were "Call 9-1-1" Which we didn't. Sean pulled over in the shoulder (which actually was not the shoulder, but the exit lane at Mo-PAC and Barton Skyway) to asses the damage. While he discovered that our front bumper had been sheared away, but that amazingly our tire was not flat, I had visions of cars running him down, and of myself giving birth in the backseat of our Kia.

With the wheel still intact, we started rolling again. No more wild animals got in our way, but there was a lovely bit of road work that had Mo-Pac shut down to one lane. And, with a wave of nausea, I also had the realization that I was indeed hitting transition. And still in my van.

We made it to the Birthing Center, screeching into the parking lot. I'm pretty sure I started opening the door and getting out before we had fully stopped. There was another expectant mom already there. God love her, she had combed hair, matching pjs, a stack of belongings neatly stacked in front of the door. As I staggered across the parking lot, I knew I could take her. I stumbled past her and the midwife, mumbling something about damn coyotes.

Once inside the center, I was confused as to why Joan was directing me to one of the exam rooms. Couldn't she see I was having a baby? I had no time for exams! I needed a birthing tub. Right then! I think she finally appreciated the gravity of the situation when I abruptly stripped naked in the hallway. She had me squat while being supported by Sean and announced that I was complete. Everyone else but me seemed surprised at this fact. My clothes were still somewhere in the hallway, and so Sean took off his shirt and put it over me and we began to shuffle, in between contractions, around the hall to the birthing rooms.

It was only a few feet away, but I thought I might actually give birth in the hall. A big contraction hit, and after I had worked through it, I told Joan that it sure felt good to push with that one. “You were pushing??” she asked. “Uh-huh.” The shuffling towards the birthing room got faster.

Finally I reached the promised land- the same room where my other children had been born. I hauled myself into the tub as she drew the water. And, without asking anyone, I got straight down to the buisness of pushing. I kneeled against the back of the tub and went into my own little world. By far, I consider the pushing phase my greatest triumph from this birth. Well, that and not giving birth in my minivan. I have never understood those women who say that they like pushing, or that it actually felt good. Until now. I just worked with my body. No one had to tell me what to do, I didn't ask anyone whether it was time or for any instruction. I just did it. It was work, but good work. I was able to work with the contractions, with my body, instead of pushing in spite of all the pain.

And the lovely warm water of the birthing tub? Well, the baby wasn't actually born in water, but it sure felt lovely on my lower calves!

And then the next surprise... I started asking if “he” was okay and looked good (the baby was actually behind me, since I was kneeling). Joan said yes, but that our “he” was actually a “she”! I had been so convinced from the get-go that I was carrying a little boy, I was actually in shock for a bit. But there she was, our beautiful little Julia Claire.

We had pulled into the parking lot at 2:50 AM. The time of Julia's birth was 3:07AM. A new personal best of 17 minutes. This is one record I'm not going to try and top any time soon.

The end of the journey

2010-08-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

I'm breaking blog silence. I haven't written a single thing here in several months, and certainly haven't chronicled this pregnancy. I guess I've been doing other things besides writing.

Tomorrow is the kids' first day back at preschool. New teachers, classes, ect. And I just really really want to be there for that. But, I have to admit, I don't feel like I'm going to be pregnant by the end of this week. I just hope that I'm still pregnant by the end of the day tomorrow! I'd even settle for going into labor a few hours after I pick them up from preschool.

I'm not in any hurry to have the baby. Over the last week or so, I've had such a sense of peace and happiness. And also a lot of mixed emotions at this being the last time I'll get to experience this. Its hard to believe that my time in this phase of life, this phase of giving birth and being pregnant, is almost over. Even though in some ways it seems like such a long time ago when I got pregnant for the first time, it has also sped by. From now on, I'll be reminiscing to other women about my pregnancies. It will all be looking back on what I've experienced. I'll never actually be in the club, so to speak, again. I'll always be on the other side. I know that I don't want to go on having babies forever. But, this pregnancy has been such a precious experience. I will forever cherish sharing this with Sean, Daniel and Georgia. Especially all the amazing questions that have come from my kids, and the sweetness they've shown to their sibling even while this baby has been in the womb. Its been amazing. And I've felt such a spirit of support from friends, strangers, everyone. I've gotten to share my pregnancy in person with my close friend in the UK at her wedding. Gotten to hear the stories of pregnancy and birth from her friends, neighbors, family and even strangers there. I've felt such a confidence in this pregnancy. I've felt the whole way through that I know who I am, I trust in my body. And it has opened up amazing conversations with other moms, some who I know, but the majority of whom have been strangers I've just struck up conversations with. I've felt surrounded by wonderful energy and community the whole way through. I guess, I've felt a little like the belle of the ball. Or maybe I've just pampered myself in ways that I haven't since I was pregnant with Daniel. Maybe being pregnant with your last child causes you to focus on yourself in ways that you haven't since your first.

Of course I want to meet this little one. I can't wait to see if its a boy or a girl. And to see what we finally name the baby if its a boy! But, as I've said from the beginning.... I want to savor this. I want to cherish this. I will never be on this particular part of my path again, and I don't want to be in too much of a hurry. I know when this baby arrives, our beautiful family will be so complete, so full. I know its not all going to be easy. And there's going to be a lot of chaos and frustration on many days. So, for right now, I'm okay with allowing this baby its last few days of seclusion and mystery. I'm trying to be at peace and not speculate too much on the when/where/how of the start of labor. I just want to be in the moment, trust in my body, and know that here and now is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Another trip around the sun

2009-11-22T18:17:00.001-08:00

As of today, I'm beginning my thirty-third year on this planet (or am I completing my 33rd year... I'm always getting this concept confused). Thirty three seems like a good number to me. It feels comfy, welcoming, brimming with possibility. Maybe its that whole idea of three being a lucky number. Maybe I'm getting adjusted to the fact that I'm "thirty-something". Whatever it is, this felt like a happy and mellow birthday.

Simple things made me happy today. A nice cup of coffee this morning that someone else made for me, which I was able to drink without interruption. Taking a walk with my little family in the fall sunlight, watching my young 'uns run their little hearts out and then collapse into a giggling heap. Playing piano, enjoying that space in my life that's just for me and my creativity.

I hope that the next 12 months are filled with good things. I know there will be plenty of bad things too along the way, but here's hoping that the positive outweighs the negative. I have no idea what November 22, 2010 will be like, but I hope that day finds my family, my friends, myself, and even the world, happier and healthier. I hope during the next year I'm able to grow up in the important ways. Not in the "I have a great 401K and a brand new TV" kind of way, but in the gaining wisdom and peace with myself kind of way.

Love thy neighbor?

2009-10-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

To the Person who decided to deface my anti-war bumpersticker with an expletive:

I don't really know what lead up to you grabbing a sharpie and writing foul language on my car. Perhaps you've served in one of the wars our country is now waging. Perhaps a family member is there now, or maybe you've even lost friends or family to the horror of war. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not one of my neighbors. I just can't stand to think that someone who knows me would be so hateful. Whatever the reason, you're carrying around a lot of anger, and decided to take it out on an unsuspecting stranger. You know what, I'm not holding it against you. You have a first amendment right, just like I do. Maybe you were hoping to provoke anger in my heart towards those who support or fight in wars. Perhaps you made certain assumptions about me as an individual based on my political views. I just feel sorry for you. It makes me sad that you're so close-minded and angry that you can't have a conversation with another person who looks at the world differently than you do. You've been reduced to scrawling anonymous filthy language on other people's property.

Surely you saw the carseats and toys inside my car, signs that young children would see your handywork. I'm sure you didn't care about that. Maybe you even have your own kids. If they saw what you were doing, how would you answer their questions? "Well son, I had to deface their property because those people are unpatriotic cowards who don't care about our soldiers." Well, I had to answer some questions from my son too. And you know what I got to tell him about your actions and who you were? "Well son, someone wrote some mean words on our car and we don't know who it was because they were too scared to sign their name." You may think I'm guilty of treason and think I don't deserve to be an American, but at least when I put my opinion out there for the world to see, I don't do it anonymously. And you know what else? I'm going to put another sticker with the same sentiments right back in place of the old one.

I heart acting

2009-10-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

I hope some of you were fortunate enough to be in attendance at the latest incarnation of "Slapdash Flimflammery". I haven't been saying much about theater these days, but I had such an awesome time during this project, I just have to blab about it.

See, I like to be on stage. I have been blessed with one of those personalities that is willing to risk failure just because it is so unbelievably cool when you hear all those happy hands clapping for you (insert a little squeal here). Its why I've gone through so many hours of brutal piano practice and more than my fair share of public embarrassment on the road to improving my performance skills. And, even though I've not done very much of it, its one reason why I love acting. I mean, I L.O.V.E. it.

Sure, I've done lots of behind the scenes type of stuff, and that was awesome and all. But not nearly as awesome as getting to dress up and strut around saying witty stuff (Thanks Erin!). I have to say I'm more than a little bummed out that I didn't discover, or have the oportunity to discover, this sooner. I mean, I kind of wonder how it didn't happen actually. I took a speech class in junior high. For all of our assignments, I partnered with a friend (who now happens to be acting in NYC). I wrote things, she got to act. And as for why high school theater passed me by.... I blame marching band. But you see, I was a kid who was doing Mae West impersonations at age 6. Just ask my parents. They have pictures. And putting on dance revue shows (complete with tap shoes and costume changes) on our side patio. Somehow I took a wrong left turn and ended up sitting at a concert grand. Not that my career as a pianist is somehow "wrong", but you know what I mean.

Anyway, here I am, 32 years old and just discovering something that I really feel I click with. Something that happens to be a skill that many people spend years perfecting, busting their butt over the way I did in music school. So, for me to say "Hey, I want to act" is kind of the equivalent of one of the other members of LGT coming to me and saying "Hey, I think I'd like to give a solo piano recital in a couple months!"

For those folks who trusted that I would memorize my lines, work hard, and not embarrass myself or LGT, I am eternally grateful. I wish I was at a place in life where I had oodles of time to devote to auditions, and really working on this. But I don't, and that's okay. Slapdash comes again next year, and I'll be ready!

SPD is no fun

2009-10-07T13:01:00.001-07:00

I'm about to launch into a bunch of negativity aimed at SPD. So, if you'd rather not hear me being a bit of a downer today, perhaps you should move on to happier blogs today.

Some days I wish I didn't know that Daniel has Sensory Processing Disorder. Some days I wish I could just ignore how differently he plays from other kids his age in some ways. Some days I just wish for "normal".

We had a rough time at the park today. It took me right back to how things were a year ago, when he wouldn't climb on stairs or go down slides, or anything like that, because he was scared. We were meeting a friend from his previous preschool, and kid who has parents that Sean and I really click with, and a kid who evidently talked about Daniel a lot at home last year.

Well, at the park it was like Daniel had trouble figuring out how to play with him. And he was confused because, for example, Daniel just wanted to sit on the swings but under no circumstances did he want to be pushed. And this little boy just could not understand how someone wouldn't want to swing as high as humanly possible. And then when they finally did start playing together, it centered on Daniel taking his hat, they played chase, which was all fun and games until the owner of the hat wanted it back. And even though Daniel is actually good about sharing, he wasn't giving that thing up, and despite me trying to use all my calming skills, it devolved into a shoving match between two little boys, rocks being thrown, kids rolling on the ground with lots of screaming and crying and us having to pack up and leave.

Okay, so they're kids. These things happen among kids. I know this, really I do. And this is part of why I despise the label of "sensory processing disorder". I feel like it makes me attribute any odd, socially out of place behavior not to "being 3" but to having this "thing". Today just comes after starting to notice that the other kids don't seem to interact w/Daniel a whole lot (that I can see) at his new school, and I keep wondering if its because he's acting "different". On one hand, Daniel has done amazing things in the last 5 months. He'll go down just about any slide, get on a merry go round, sit in a swing, walk on a balance beam, dress himself, put on shoes.... things I would not have believed he'd ever do 6 months ago. The problem is, it seems like other kids his age are now onto the next round of things. Hanging from monkey bars, getting in to swings all on their own, pumping their legs, doing really daredevil stuff. So, even though he's doing things that are amazing for him, its almost like it doesn't matter because he still can't jump in and do everything his peers are doing. And not that I want him to be like everybody else, but I have seen so many time when another little boy his age will want to play with him, and the other kid will get confused and quickly lose interest because he can't figure out why Daniel doesn't enjoy doing the things that he is doing.

There are different degrees of Sensory Processing Disorder. Daniel is sensory avoiding. Some kids are sensory seekers, meaning that they can swing for hours, run and run and run, climb all over any and everything, and sometimes have a hard time slowing down long enough to attend to a task. Its like movement is a compulsion, rather than something they're doing for fun. I know that has got to be hard for those kids and parents of those kids. But sometimes I wish Daniel has that version of this, since it seems so much more socially acceptable for a boy to be OVER-active, rather than UNDER-active. I feel like he could pass under the radar, or that his behavior could be written off as "boys will be boys".

Maybe what I'm wishing for is a wider range of "normal" for boy's behavior. And more empathetic kids. And for parents to explain that there are lots of different people in the world and we all like to do different things, that we all have different strengths and weaknesses.

I also wish I knew someone who had a kid with the same type of Sensory Processing Disorder that Daniel has. We could get them together, they could line up all their cars and trucks just so, spend a lot of time looking at books together and play counting games. And I could talk to a mom about the frustration of putting on socks, of convincing your child that rain or wind was not going to kill them, of watching other kids do all the things that children are supposed to love to do, except your kid.

Maybe I'm throwing a pity party. Okay, if that's what I'm doing, so be it. I just hate SPD. Hate that it is a label that is associated with my kid, hate that I have to think about who to tell and who not to tell, hate that it takes my attention away from Georgia sometimes, hate that it makes Daniel go to occupational therapy. I hate that its always in the room with me and my kids. I feel like its the monster in the closet that won't go away when you turn out the lights.

Ten Things

2009-09-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

As per usual, I have a good many topics rattling around in my brain and a severe lack of organizational skills to write about each of them. So, I'm going to give you all the cliff notes on what I've been pondering or dealing with lately. Here is a list of ten things I've come to realize lately.

1. It can be much harder to take care of one toddler, than taking care of both toddler and older brother.
2. I didn't realize that to be a parent, I also had to be a preschool teacher.
3. The more I play piano, the more I want to play piano.
4. In my life B.K. (that's Before Kids) I can't believe I wasted all the time I had at my disposal for creative endeavors. If I could go back and light a fire under my 26 (or 27 or 28) year old's butt, I would!!
5. I worry every day about whether I'm doing right by Daniel and his Sensory Integration problems. Does he have the right therapist, am I doing enough at home, how significant is this problem anyway....on and on and on.
6. The more kids you have, the harder you have to work on your marriage.
7. I spend way too much energy trying to do everything "right". No matter how hard I work, my house is still grubby, my kids are still loud, I'm still having a bad hair day, and there are still icky things lurking in the back of my fridge. Hopefully I'll get old enough to make peace with myself over this stuff and just be happy (and not envious) of folks who don't struggle with these stupid little distractions.
8. I've been itching to get out and do some landscaping.
9. I didn't realize that you had to start thinking about your kid's kindergarten enrollment when said child is 3.
10. I watch too much TV. I'm ready to make a change.

There you have it folks. 10 random topics that have been in my brain lately. Ah, it feels good to have purged all that.

Productive Parenting FAIL!

2009-08-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

So, I'm subscribed to this really nifty website that gives me ideas on what to do with my ankle biters when I'm feeling a bit uncreative. So, today, with said activity at the ready, we trooped outside. Unfortunately, I set up the play table a little too close to a cactus plant that lives on our patio. By the time we get inside, both kids are pulling at their clothes and howling from cactus stickers. Georgia had little cactus prickles all over her back, Daniel and I had some in our hands.

After about 15 min of howling, I threw both kids in the bathtub and tried to convince them that the warm water would "soak the cactus out" of their skin. Ha! But, they bought it. Have you ever tried to give kids a bath at a random time of day? Its like a vacation for them, a snow day. Their usual bathtime behavior (which is none too impressive anyway) goes right out the window, to be replaced by bathtime hooligans. Hooligans! There was a good 15 min of naked toddlers running through the house, punctuated by a large dog barking, the phone ringing, and the fact that I had to remove some of my own clothes which had now gotten cactus prickles in them (from Georgia's clothing).

For the record, I'd like you all to know that said cactus plant has been moved far far away from our patio. And I'd like to formally request a do-over for this day. I should have just stuck with eating bon-bons as per usual.

Back to School

2009-08-18T13:13:00.001-07:00

Today was Daniel's first day at his new preschool. I was so excited for him, nervous about him making new friends (which is silly, I mean, he's three, its not like its junior high or anything). Today stood in sharp contrast to last year when there was crying and lots of tears when I left him in his St. Catherine's classroom. Today, we came in, and he happily ran off to play after putting his stuff in his cubby. After hugging me, he never looked back. And that's how it should be, and it made me proud. But at the same time, when I looked at him playing all the way across the room as Georgia and I were walking out the door, I felt kind of like, who is this little boy and where did he come from. After we got home from school, we sat on the couch and he told me what he did, the names of some of the kids in his class, what games they played, stories they read. He just seemed like... well, a kid. I'm becoming acutely aware that I'm a mom to a boy. A boy who laughs at fart jokes (and makes them up as well), is long and lanky, silly, and grubby. I've also learned something else today. Taking care of Georgia, the 18 months old whirlwind, without the benefit of her brother to entertain her is HARD WORK.

Happy Anniversary to Us!

2009-07-28T12:08:00.000-07:00

On this day 8 years ago, Sean and I got married. It was a day spent getting sleep, getting pampered, getting my hair done, and getting all dolled up for the big celebration. A day with lots of friends, lots of family. I wish I could find a picture of us from back then, but alas, that was before the age of digital cameras. Of course, since Sean and I have aged so amazingly well, we basically look the same, except that now there are 2 very small beings attached to us almost all the time ;)

My wedding day was one very wonderful day, and I have to say its even better to be in the midst of my marriage. My crazy, kid filled, boisterous, marriage. Its crazy to think that a time without kids in the house will bookend our life together. I can barely picture it, but some days I look forward to it. I'm proud of what Sean and I have built together, and thankful for all the great friends and family who share it with us.

Why the 4th of July is good

2009-07-04T12:14:00.001-07:00

Daniel and I, sitting on the sidewalk eating sno-cones.

Daniel: I like sno-cones.
Me: Yep, me too.
Daniel: We get to eat sno-cones on the 4th of July!
Me: Uh-huh.
Daniel: I like 4th of July!

Birthday Boy!

2009-05-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, today was the day that my little guy entered the world. I was thinking that I should wax philosophical and get all mushy and stuff.... But you know what? Three doesn't feel like a very mushy philosophical stage to me. It feels pretty rowdy and rough and tumble! So, here are some things that Daniel has done lately that have made me laugh, made me proud, or just made me scratch my head and say Hmmm....

Sang happy birthday to a pizza pan this morning
Georgia: "Wahhhhh!!!!! Daniel: "Its okay, don't cry. Its hard being a baby."
Peed on a tree and pooped in the woods for the very first time. It was quite a state park visit!
Randomly said "I love you mommy" when driving in the car yesterday.
Didn't kill his sister when they rode side by side in the race car grocery cart at HEB this week.
Helped me bake muffins yesterday.
Learned how to play "Three Blind Mice" on the piano (okay, just the first three notes....but still!)

Happy Birthday Mr. Daniel!

Snake vs. Fish

2009-05-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I suppose you're supposed to find wildlife at state parks. I just wasn't prepared to happen across a snake eating a fish about 2 feet from where I was standing. I'll give you 1 guess who won that showdown....

Seriously?

2009-05-13T12:06:00.001-07:00

Has it seriously been since March that I blogged? Wow, I'm much more of a slacker than I realized. Part of the problem with writing in the blog, for me, is that there are too many things I want to write about. So, instead of just knocking out the different topics as they come to me, I just end up keeping it bottled up in my head. But I'm feeling the need to purge these days.

So, what to write about first. Well, the biggest thing on my mind lately is Daniel. If you've ever been around Daniel any length of time, you probably notice he's a little.... quirky sometimes. And I say that with much love in my heart. I love his quirks, but it's always been something where Sean and I wondered whether they "meant" anything. As in, meant whether something developmentally was a little off. We'd have that conversation, that "what if" conversation, and then life would get in the way and we'd be preoccupied with other things (like having another child, dealing with aging parents, ect). But the conversation kept resurfacing.

So, on advice of his preschool teacher, we took Daniel to an occupational therapist who said that yes, he does have Sensory Processing Disorder. And yes, he will be going to occupational therapy for the forseeable future. I'm still not quite sure what this means for us. I've been reading a lot about this subject, in particular a book called "The Out of Sync Child". Its been a relief to know that I'm not just crazy for noticing these things that have always been a little "off", that all the things that have sent off the alarm in my gut have not been imagined. Its great that there's something I can do to help him. But its scary too. Its scary to have someone in the field mention "Asperger's" and "autism spectrum" in the same sentence as your child. And no, SPD is not any of those things, but some kids with Asperger's have SPD as well. But, just because you have SPD doesn't mean you have Asperger's. So, its scary AND confusing. I'm also scared that because he's been evaluated for one thing, that the "professionals" will want to evaluate him for other things, leading to more labels being applied to him.

And on top of all that, I get afraid of losing who he is. As crazy as it sounds, his quirkiness makes him who he is, its part of him. On a very irrational level, I have this fear that they're going to train the "Daniel-ness" out of him. I mean, if his quirkiness allows him to be so focused on letters and numbers, and drumming and listening to music, isn't that a good thing? Do I really want for him to be "normal"? Yes, and no. I want him to have the choice to read and count and drum. But I don't want it to be a compulsion. I want him to read if he wants to, but I also want him to be able to climb on a playscape without being terrified, to feel like he's able to join in with an activity with a group of kids. And I'm taking him to therapy because I know he desperately wants to do those things, but for whatever reason sometimes he just can't. even though he's only three, I'm already starting to see him getting looks from other kids on playgrounds. And I'm starting to get comments from other parents on playgrounds.

I know we all remember those kids from our childhood. The ones who just seemed different, who did stuff that we thought of as "wierd". Did they have SPD? Maybe, but a label for it didn't really exist when we were kids. But I do know how those kids were teased, and I can guess how they probably felt about themselves. Now, I want Daniel to be as brilliant, as amazing, as creative and unique as he is meant to be. But if there's a way that I can help him tear down that wall that keeps him from doing all the things that he wants to do, that wall that keeps his world smaller than it has to be, I'm going to do it.

Funky

2009-03-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, and this is my new favorite soul band, from right here in Austin, Texas. T Bird and the Breaks. Check them out if you get a chance! We saw them yesterday at the Dog and Duck Pub, and they were extra funky. Made me wish I could travel around with my own horn section and back up singers.

It's Spring and I'm feeling the pull....

2009-03-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

You know what I'm talking about, the SXSW pull. I've got that itch to see all the amazing music that has hit our town this week! I know I've got two young kids, but I'm too tough to let a little thing like that stop me. No sirree, the kids won't cramp my style. Okay, maybe just a bit, but that's okay. I'll cut them some slack cause they're cute.

I love SXSW. Even if I don't have a wristband, even if I don't get to jump into the thick of things with with ultra-hip folks. That's okay. Maybe I'm just a sucker for all things music, but I love the fact that this week, I get to hear all kinds of live bands playing on the radio. I love that just about everywhere you care to go, there is some sort of live music playing. And while most of it may be run of the mill pop/rock stuff that I'll listen to, enjoy, and forget, there's always the chance that I'll see a really cool show that will stick with me for a long time. Like seeing the Sadies last year, or hearing Spoon and Echo and the Bunnymen on the same bill the year before.... or even the all- Sweden showcase from a few years back.

And though I generally detest having too much technology in my life, I'm very happy that several people went to all the trouble to gather information on all the free day parties into one place. I've found a couple websites that have done all the work for me that I've had to do myself in the past. That makes my life just a wee bit easier, which makes me smile.

So, get out there and hear some music!!

He's eclectic

2009-03-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

Just more proof that my son may in fact be smarter than I am:

Yesterday we were listening to KUT, as we are most mornings. John Aielli was playing some 12th century gregorian chant by a composer named Perotin. Lots of high, tight harmonies, but with rhythms that are totally different than modern music. Daniel walks into the room, pauses and listens for a minute and then says "Is this Fleet Foxes?" So, I reply, "No, sweetie, this is really old church music" Then, as that piece ends, Aeli comes on the air and says "And here's a piece that really makes me think of Perotin" And proceeds to play a song by the Fleet Foxes. This could mean one of three things: Either I'm dumb for not making this particular musical connection, John Aielli has the musical astuteness of a small child, or Daniel has been endowed with a great ear for music. So, I've got a kid who hasn't yet grasped the concept of zipping his pants, yet can make musical connections between 12th century sacred music and modern pop.

Children are strange little creatures, aren't they?

New Things

2009-02-21T12:53:00.000-08:00

Since I didn't chronicle my daughter's first birthday for you all, I'm going to list instead some cool new things that she can do.

-Walking! She's getting braver and has even walked halfway across the kitchen.
-Standing alone. She does this all the time and is getting good at it.
-Gives kisses and hugs. It started with giving kisses to her doll and now she does it with Mom, Dad, and Daniel too!
-Makes animal sounds, with minimal prompting. She does a mean impression of cows, cats, and dogs.
-Now, I'm not sure how to label the next one but this is what she did: She put the pacifier back in the baby's mouth, then patted her own chest and put her pacifier in her own mouth.
-Shaking her head no and yes
-Drinks well from an open cup. Even cups without handles! She does it so well that I can even leave the cup on her tray and she'll drink from it throughout the meal and usually doesn't dump it on her head instead.
-"Brushes" her hair and pretends to put bows and hair bands in it.

I'm sure there are more things to list, but I don't want to bore all of you out there with too much stuff. I just wanted to jot down some of these things for myself so I don't forget how much fun this age is!

I'm playing along!

2009-02-20T12:17:00.000-08:00

This post goes out to Julie.... she got me, I'm playing along!

♥ What are your middle names?
Christine (me)
Erik-Michael (sean)

♥ How long have you been together?
We met in September of 1997, a chance meeting at a mutual friend's house.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
"Dating" is kind of a wierd term for us, since we lived in different cities almost up until we got married in 2001. I think I first considered us "dating" after I went up to Dallas in Oct. 1997 to visit Sean.

♥ Who asked who out? Hmmm. We never had anything like a typical date. Our friend Van cornered Sean to ask him if he liked me, she gave us the other's email addresses and we started writing.

♥ How old are each of you? I'm 32, Sean is 31.

♥ Whose siblings do/did you see the most? Well, considering I don't have any, I'd have to say his.

♥ Do you have any children together? Yes. Daniel Quinn will be 3 in May. And Georgia is 13 months.

♥ What about pets? Names? Stassney, a 9yr old (we think) blue tick hound mix. She was found by Tim and Julie at running through the street in front of Crockett High School, hence her name.

♥ Did you go to the same school? No, though Sean did do 2 semesters of summer school at UT, my alma matter.

♥ Are you from the same home town?Kind of, if you consider the DFW metroplex a "home town". He's from Garland, I'm from Duncanville.

♥ Who is the smartest? I think we're both intellectual equals, in different ways. But, if you consider a person who excels at math and logical problem solving to be smarter, then he wins hands down.

♥ Who is the most sensitive? I think I am, but I also think that Sean is more sensitive than I usually give him credit for.... which also causes me to hurt his feelings without realizing it.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple? Freddies (with the kids), as a couple we like Vespaio, Madam Mam's.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? The Netherlands.

♥ Who has the craziest exes? Me me me!!

♥ Who has the worst temper? That would be me again. I've got one of those crazy red-headed tempers. But I'm really working on taming it. But Sean can hold a grudge like nobody's business.

♥ Who does the cooking? Me.

♥ Who is more social? Sean. This may surprise some of you, but he's usually the one saying to me "Hey, let's get together with friends" while I'm usually content to hang at home with him and the kids (not that I don't love each and every one of you, my friends who are reading this....)

♥ Who is the neat-freak? Neither? Yes, sadly two unorganized people managed to meet and marry. But I have aspirations towards neatness. Does that count?

♥ Who is the more stubborn? Sean. He's great at being stubborn. When he makes up his mind, he just blocks out any arguments to the contrary. Seriously, its like he can't even physically hear me.

♥ Who hogs the bed? I'm not sure. Snoring is the bigger issue with us!

♥ Who wakes up earlier? Me, though neither one of us has been getting much sleep lately.

♥ Where was your first date? I guess I would consider it the night we met. We were at a party (I have no idea whose house we were at), and he left with his friends in his cool car. I was sad. But then returned a few minutes later, and we were inseparable for the rest of the night (and wee hours of the AM)

♥ Who has the bigger family? I guess Sean, technically, since he has a sister and I'm pretty sure he has more cousins than me. And we both have extended families that don't live anywhere near us. But I think we actually see more of my extended family than his.

♥ Do you get flowers often? A couple times a year maybe?

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
Usually with my parents, but we try to carve out a little time for just us too.

♥ Who is more jealous? Well, there's different kinds of jealousy.... jealous of personal relationships? Not an issue for us. Jealous of time? I get "jealous" of the time he devotes to work. I think he might be a bit "jealous" of the time I get to spend with my friends at things like mom's night out or bookclub.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
The problem with long distance relationships is that there is a level of committment built into the situation even when you're not quite ready for that. It takes work from the very beginning to keep things going, to have good communication. I think, though, that we really got "serious" in the summer of '98, when Sean came to Austin for the summer.

♥ Who eats more?Sean. He's a snacking fool!

♥ Who does/did the laundry?Most of the time me. Of course, with 2 kids and cloth diapers, all we ever do is their laundry. Its a miracle Sean and I are even clothed.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
That would be SEan. He loves to remind me how much I hate technology.

♥ Who drives when you are together?
I think Sean does most of the driving.

First Steps!

2009-02-05T13:21:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it! My baby girl took her first steps today!!!!

She was in the kitchen, at the excersaucer, and turned around and took 3 or 4 steps to me! I was totally not expecting this! No one was home except Georgia and I, and I was bursting to tell someone, but Sean was at the doctor and Daniel was at preschool. I kind of thought it was some sort of fluke and was pretty sure she wouldn't do it again, but when Sean got back from the doctor, lo and behold, she walked (3 or 4 steps again) towards Daddy!

I don't know why I'm so surprised, because Daniel was almost exactly the same age when he started walking. I guess its just between this and starting down the road towards weaning, well, she just seems to be growing up so fast. But, I love this age. I just become more enamored of my little girl every day. Yep, that was cheezy and I don't care!

Maybe I can capture the little rascal on the move on video and post it later!

We rock!

2009-01-30T18:34:00.000-08:00

It looks like we rocked Fontera Fest last night. See the great review here. The performance was a lot of fun, it went really smoothly. I just love it when I get to work with folks who are so professional and great at what they do, but also are hilarious and fun to be around.

I also really enjoyed watching some skit comedy by Lovey and Lovey. If you get a chance check them out.... Its been a while since I laughed that hard!

Breaking things is fun

2009-01-21T13:46:00.000-08:00

I know that doing sound effects for a Frontera Fest piece may not seem very high profile to some people... But man, its really fun! I mean, how often do you get to throw glass items in a box and drop it to see what kind of sound it makes! Yay for sound design :)

And, that new student drought may be ending.... I've taken on one student in the last week and have gotten several calls from interested families. Let's hope this keeps up!

Oh yeah, and Georgia turned one on Sunday, but I'll have to devote a whole other post to that!

Argh!

2009-01-04T18:12:00.000-08:00

I swear, I am THIS close to bagging this whole "I'm a piano teacher/running my own buisness" thing. If I have one more family tell me that they're not sure if they're continuing or not I'm going to go insane. My studio is barely hanging on as it is. I've advertised, put the word out via word of mouth, I'm on teacher referral lists of all manner.... I'm friends with a million moms, the problem is none of them have kids old enough to take lessons. And very few of my current students have siblings or friends of the age where they're wanting to start lessons. Most of my students are middle school/high school.... you know, the point at which they start dropping like flies. And that's exactly what my students are doing. I've lost 3 students at the end of the fall semester, possibly another one is going at the end of January, and 2 other long time students are going to every other week lessons. I'm so frustrated. I've not gotten one single solitary call from an interested new student since OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!! I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. What's crazy is that I have awesome babysitters to watch the kiddos while I teach. The only problem is that I can't afford to keep them if I don't have anyone to teach. I attribute this paucity of students to the economy. But perhaps its just the cycle of one's teaching career. You go through boom and bust cycles just like any other. I'm trying to ride it out and take joy in teaching the few that I have. Because they are committed, bright and generally wonderful to teach. But, when you've got 2 other little people demanding so much of your time, your energy, and your soul every single day, there is a point where you have to ask yourself "Is it worth it?"

I love teaching piano. I never thought I'd be 10 years into my career and asking "Where have the students gone?" I know I've kind of killed my word of mouth momentum by the fact that I took two sabbaticals to have kids, in quick succession. But, I thought "Hey, there's always a wealth of young kids looking to take piano" I thought, with my close proximity to 2 neighborhood elementaries, plus the hordes of young families in Circle C, there would always be budding pianists knocking at my door. I have connections with home schoolers, evangelical Christians, Montessori school families, the Chinese community, and the Catholic church. My luck has got to improve at some point, right??

It's 2009!

2009-01-01T08:17:00.000-08:00

Here's what Daniel has to say:

We attended a pagan ritual, er, First Night Austin, last night. At 8PM, they had a "family" finale that culminated in the burning- that's right- burning of a several hundred foot high wooden clock. There were throngs of people, all gathered round the pyre, chanting "Burn it, burn it". Sean figured if they didn't set that puppy on fire soon, people were going to get testy.... And when it went up in flames, well, see for yourself:

Pretty cool. Definitely tapped into a primal human fascination with fire. I found it interesting that in 2009, we were spending a long winter's night much as our ancestors thousands of years ago did.

I could wax philosophical about all that I hope for in the new year, all the things I hope to change about myself. But I'll just sum it up like this: More than anything, I want to be happy where I am, happy in whatever moment I'm in. I don't want to live anyone else's life but my own. And I wish the same for any of you out there reading this too. Happy 2009!

Christmas family cheesiness

2008-12-19T12:24:00.000-08:00

Christmas really is a lot more fun with kids around. The previous Christmases with Daniel have involved the fun of watching him rip open gifts and things of that nature. But with all the conversations about Santa, baby Jesus, along with his cries of "Wow! Look at those lights!" everytime he sees Christmas lights, I'm starting to realize just how much fun is in store for us during the coming years. So, here are some pics and favorite Christmas sayings from this year:

Overheard this Christmas:

me: "Do you want to sit on Santa's lap?:
Daniel: "No, I want to sit on the Snowman's lap. Little boys sit on the Snowman's lap, only little girls sit on Santa's lap"

As we entered the trail of lights, we encountered a display based on the book "Where the Wild Things Are" Immediately Daniel pointed at Max, the main character, and said "Look, its baby Jesus!"

Taking a walk in the neighborhood, looking at lights. Daniel is naming off people who're going to be there at Christmas. After naming off Santa, reindeer, snowman,
me: "Baby Jesus will be there too. Its his birthday, you know."
Daniel: "NO! Its not Baby Jesus' birthday, he's NOT going to be there!!!"
me: "Yeah, he is. Really, its his birthday. Don't you like Baby Jesus?"
Daniel: "NO! I DON'T like Baby Jesus!!!"
Let's just hope that conversation doesn't go down in his permanent record.....

Its good to have friends...

2008-12-17T15:00:00.000-08:00

So, I've been feeling like I'm about to lose my sanity lately. And that's why I was extra thankful for days like today, when I got the brood out of the house and went to hang out at Julie's house. Even if I don't tell friends that my nerves are frayed and I'm on my late ounce of patience, even if we never get the chance to spell it all out to each other, just being around other people is so great. It really gives me strength to go on. Like today.... I had no food in the house, no milk, no coffee even! I know, horror of horrors. I got a late start, and even though I hung around after other folks left, Julie was kind enough to let us stay to lunch. That helped me out more than she knew. I was saved from going to the grocery store with 2 cranky little ones in the middle of their usual lunch time. I am so thankful for the generosity of friends, and from having friends who are down in the trenches of raising kids, so even though its not easy for any of us, we're all in it together. I wish I could return the favor of generosity more often. I'm generous in spirit, really I am. One of these days I swear I'm going to get it together and become one of those people who always has something fresh baked and yummy to share. I'm just thankful to have enough people who share what they have with me and know that when they are in need I'll be there for them.

2008-12-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to say these days. But, you'd never know it from my blog updates. I just never have the chance to write it down. Or I get too overwhelmed by too many things to say, too many directions that I could take any given entry. So, I'm just going to write. Today, I feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising my children. I am completely disappointed in myself and my lack of patience, kindness, and caring towards my toddler. And embarrased at the realization that many times I'm way too hard on Daniel. I think I expect too much of him sometimes. I found myself saying to him this morning, as I was trying to hustle him out of the house to Mother's Day Out "Come on, I know you can concentrate better than this because you're ...." and then I thought, how should that sentence end? "Because you're two?" Yeah, cause we all know two year olds are known for their ability to concentrate on complex tasks. Sometimes I feel so bad that I can't devote more time to him and just him. And other times I feel so guilty for not oohing and aahing over every little thing that Georgia does. Sometimes I feel like they get so little of me, that neither one of them really get what they need. Which ushers in the mother guilt of having my kids so close together. I guess this is where the casual observer might say "I told you so" and where all heads will start to wag at the fact that we broke the sacred rule of 2.5-3 year child spacing. Yeah , yeah, I know. I thought it might be slightly easier by now, but the truth is, it never gets easier. It just gets different. The difficulties rearrange themselves, but the level of constant work, of feeling like my head is barely above water, its, well, constant. Ah, I had so much to say. But the non-napping 2 yr old has started throwing cars in his room which has woken up the very miserable 10 month old. And the fun begins again.

Bye-bye creative outlet

2008-11-08T12:21:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to be acting right now. The most fun theatre event of the year, in my opinion, is happening right now. Slapdash Flimflammery is in full swing at the present moment and I'm having to sit it out. Why? Sick kid. Yeah, yeah, I know it goes with the whole "mom"territory. But I absolutely hate backing out of things at the last minute. Yesterday morning he spent many many hours crying hysterically because he felt bad, then he turned white as a sheet because his fever shot up, and then the crowning glory was when he threw up all over the place at the doctor's office. Poor guy. That was when I knew I had to tell the rest of the gang to bring in an alternate for me. I'm so glad I made that decision, because although his temperature was down and he felt better this morning, this afternoon it spiked up crazy high again- like well over 104 this time. Scary. I think its going down now, but to see my little man so lethargic, glassy eyed and miserable was horrible. It would have been even worse if I'd been in rehearsals and had no way to come comfort him. Would he have lived without me? Probably, although he wouldn't have been very happy about it. The few times he's been sick, he won't let anyone but me do anything for him. Even grandma comes in a distant second to mom. And who can blame him, really. I feel the same way when I'm sick, to this day.

Honestly, no one will probably miss me that much as an actor. I know that there are a gazillion other people with more experience than me who also wanted to take part in the show, so its not like I left some gaping hole that no one else could fill. Its more that being in the show was important to me. I really love theatre. And it sucks because I feel like its hard to show how much I love it because my ability to go out and see or do theatre is restricted by family life. Of course, I could always go out and see shows, but it would have to be without Sean, because we don't have the dough to pay our babysitters above and beyond what is necessary on a weekly basis while I'm teaching. And I really hate going and doing stuff without my better half.

It's hard because about the same time I was invited along to take part of LGT's theatrical hijinks, I got pregnant. And so, instead of being able to really jump in and be invovled and learn stuff, I've been either pregnant or tethered to a nursing infant ever since I joined LGT. As a consequence I sometimes still feel like more of a groupie than an actual bona fide member. There's a lot of things I'd like to do. I really really really like acting. Last year during slapdash, being onstage in my scene was just incredible. I mean, I already knew I like being onstage playing music, but this was so different, so fun, almost relaxing in a wierd way. I wasn't nervous at all, which is very different from how I feel when playing piano. I would like to do more. But again, that whole "mother of two" thing kinda cramps your style, especially when you want to get more involved in something that you have little experience with. Sometimes I feel like me saying I want to act, or direct, or write is a little like one of my theatre compatriots saying that they want to play Lizst or perform a Rachmaninoff concerto- without having ever taken piano lessons.

I just wish I had time. Or that I could make peace with being away from my family as much as I'd have to if I really went for it. Learning a craft takes time and energy, two things that are in very short supply with me right now. I just hope that those who know me best know that I want to make art as much as they do, but I'm just struggling with that whole family vs. art thing. I'm trying to find a balance, but its just not happening yet.

Change is coming....

2008-11-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to gather my thoughts to write about Obama's election. There is so much I want to say, its a challenge to get it all out in a somewhat coherant fashion.

I am so proud of my country right now. For the first time in several years, I can look at our flag and feel pride, feel like I, too, have a voice.

The past eight years I have been apalled by the United State's actions around the world and at home. I have been angered and confused at the way our "leaders" (and I use that term loosely) have thrown their weight around in foreign lands like playground bullies, while ignoring the basic needs and basic rights of the people in our own country.

More than anything, I am amazed and thankful that the American people had the courage to elect the right person. Now, I'm not saying that McCain was a bad person, or an evil person (like a certain Mr. Cheney). He just wasn't the right person for this moment in history. We now have a leader who is truly a leader. Who has the capacity to inspire, to lift people up, to compel them to reach out to one another and work together for a common goal. There was a reason why his campaign was successful that had nothing to do with money or political insiders. He moved people. The lady with whom I did leaflet distribution on election day was one of those people. She told me about how she's gone on two road trips to New Mexico to talk to voters, had done hours of voter registration in East Austin, phone banking, you name it, she'd done it. And this was a person who, until this election, had never even been part of the political process. She'd never been involved in politics in any way. The American people have been hungry for a leader to help us find our way back to who we should be. We now have someone in office who says to us that it is our duty to take care of each other, that yes it does matter that people in our community are suffering. That if the least of us is hurting, it hurts all of us. That is huge. And it is that message that has resonated with so many people. It is that message that has mobilzed so many to get out and get involved. It is that message that transcended race and allowed so many people in this country to put aside their racist fears and vote what their conscience was telling them.

I feel there is hope for my children now. If we had lost this important race, how could I have looked them in the eye? How could I have explained to them that their country had failed once again? Now I have hope that they will look at their fellow Americans differently when they grow up. And I know that when a seat opens up for those who have been not invited to the table before, my children will have even more opportunities as well.

I am so proud, and so thankful that maybe everything will be all right after all.

She's crawling!!

2008-11-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

Watch out world. Georgia's on the move now...

Have you done it yet?

2008-11-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

Have you voted? If you are reading this, and you haven't voted yet, get yourself to your local polling place!!!! No excuses. Sure there may be long lines, sure you may have to wait to cast your ballot. But this is OUR democracy, this is OUR country and you can't let someone else speak for you! I hauled both my kids to the Travis County Democratic Headquarters today and headed out for distributing leaflets in South Austin. Now, if I can do that, I think everyone ought to be able to get out and vote!!

2008-10-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we're having one of those days. You know the kind I'm talking about. Its 5:30, Georgia's just in a diaper (which she just figured out how to un-velcro), Daniel's just in undies. In the last hour and half, I've had finger paints smeared on me, been spit up on, got cactus under my shirt somehow, broke out in a rash, had dog bowl water spilled on me and my floor. We've been through one bath already. And now I'm sitting listening to my 2 yr old playing my $12,000 piano saying "This is a song about whiskey"

Now if that doesn't scare the pants off all of you, I don't know what will. Happy Halloween !

I hate bureaucracy!!!!!!

2008-10-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so mad I could spit. I just got off the phone with the lovely folks at the Austin Municipal Court, and let me tell you, the mess they have me in takes the cake. I actually cannot believe I'm being subjected to this level of incompetence. Let's go back to the beginning of this debacle, shall we? Back in July I got a ticket. Yes, I was speeding. On my way to a doctor appointment, I might add. And yes, my registration was past due. I own up to the fact that I'm not terribly organized in that department and it caught up to me. Okay. So, I was eligible for a driver's safety course and all I had to do was renew that registration, get all the various proofs sent in by the court date, and all was good to go. Or so I thought. I did all of the above. Only, the highly intelligent police officer made two mistakes. One, he spelled my name wrong on the ticket. So, my name on my insurance AND my driver's liscense did not match the records. And two, he WROTE DOWN THE WRONG VIOLATION!! He supposedly wrote that my inspection was out of date, not my registration. How do you get something like that wrong?! How? Oh, but it gets better. The court supposedly sent out notices to me to get the paperwork they needed. I never recieved said notices. So, now the burden is on me to correct someone else's mistakes. I have to write letters to the judge, I have to show that my inspection was in fact current. All the while, Ms. Meanie Pants on the phone is acting like I'm some criminal and that I'm lying to her about the mistakes that she made. She actually had the nerve to say to me "Oh no, your inspection was out of date. I'm looking at the ticket. That's the truth." The truth?! That's the truth?! I'll tell her what the truth is. The truth is that it took me an entire afternoon of paying a babysitter to watch the kids while I ran all over town getting the paperwork together in the first place. And now I'm going to have to do all that again to clean up after an incompetent cop, incompetent legal system and an incompetent city government that doesn't even have enough phone lines so that it took 4 days for me to finally get through to a surly government employee. Our tax dollars at work, folks. Why can't I just live in Montana where there's no speed limit, no registration stickers and no inspection stickers either.

The Golden Pig

2008-10-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

There she is, my little golden pig. I guess you can't really see her shirt very well, but it says "Golden Pig Baby". For those of you not familiar with Chinese astrology (and I'm no expert!), Georgia was evidently born in a very auspicious year. I first found out about this fact a few days before Georgia was born. My acupuncturist (who was not my regular practitioner) said, "So, you know about the Golden Pig, right?" To which, I said "Umm, no?" Then she proceeded to tell the tale of how my little baby was going to be born in a year that was supposed to be the luckiest year to come along in a long long while. Every 600 years to be exact. And how so many people in China wanted to have a Golden Pig baby more than anything. And here I was going to have one without even meaning to! On the day that I learned these interesting facts, I was about 2 days away from my due date. I was uncomfortable, anxious, worried about my bloodpressure, my firstborn and how my little world was going to be blown off its foundation by the addition of a new little one to my life. I wasn't feeling very happy about pregnancy and childbirth, to say the least. But then, once I had this vision of this sweet, content, happy baby who would be lucky and have a long life, it made me excited to meet this new little person. To see if she really was everything that legend said she was supposed to be. And you know, after a few months of crankiness, teething, figuring out how to sleep and all that crazy stuff, whenever her round little face crinkles into a smile, I think she might just be a little golden pig. But I'm not sure who is luckier, Georgia or me.

Piano man

2008-10-01T13:02:00.001-07:00

After the negative nelly post I just wrote, here's something cute for balance.

I'm irritated

2008-10-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

I really wish I wasn't bothered by this. I really wish I could let it go. I've been told by Daniel's teacher not to send him in undies to school because last week he had 2 accidents (one each day that he was there) and supposedly he's afraid of the big toilet there. Oh yeah, and "they have a lot going on" and they can't pay attention to everything and don't have time for kids having this many accidents. As someone pointed out to me, if they have so much going on, doesn't that affect other aspects of their care of the children besides potty training? This just doesn't sit well with me. First of all, when I picked him up yesterday he was wearing the same pull up I'd dropped him off in 4 hrs earlier. And it was wet. And, after wearing a "diaper" to school (because that's what it is, no matter if you call it a pull up) he was really resistant to using the toilet at home. Great, thanks so much school. And as far as his fear of "big" potties.... Well, all I have to say is that when we're out and about, the way I get him to sit on a public toilet is to tell him that its a potty just like at school. That puts him totally at ease, so how afraid can he really be? Maybe its the people who're putting him on said toilet. I really want to not be bothered by this. I don't want to be negative about his teacher and school because Daniel can pick up on stuff like that and he really likes school. I don't want to mess with that. All I know is that I've had a couple conversations with his teacher about this subject and no progress is being made. I'm being given the same answers. I'm just not sure what to do.

piano cuteness

2008-09-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

Future pianist?

No nap?!!

2008-09-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

And we are now on day number 3 of no nap. I put him in his crib, read stories, go through the whole song and dance. And he doesn't sleep. I'm really hoping this is not a trend.

Cabbage?

2008-09-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I have a pretty quirky toddler. He's goofy and lovable, but quirky nonetheless. But this takes the cake. For the past several weeks, whenever I put him down for a nap he has a kind of odd behavior. Whenever he's not in the mood for a nap- and mind you, that is most days- he shouts for about an hour or so. Does he shout "Let me out!", or call for mommy? Nope. He shouts "Cabbage!" Yes, that's right. Cabbage. More specifically, "Yay cabbage!!!" I don't know what cabbage is, or why its in his room, but I just want it to stop interfering with his nap!!

I can't believe it!

2008-09-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

Today I dropped the little man off at Mother's Day Out, and HE DIDN'T CRY. You heard me. No tears. Just a hug for old mom, and then he took off to play with the cars and trucks. At first I thought maybe he didn't realize that I was going to leave. So, I called his name and said "See you later!" He turned around and gave me a look like "What, is she still here?!" And so I left. If you know Daniel at all, you will realize how strange this was for me. And, for the second time, when I picked him up, guess who got the first hug and kiss? Georgia. Yep, I guess dear old mom is just chopped liver.....

In other news, I've decided that I'm going to give a piano concert. I'm putting this information out there so that those of you who actually read this will remind me to get myself to the piano and practice when you see me. I'm not sure how long it will take to prepare a recital on only 5 hrs o practice a week, but I'm going to set my goal on it being sometime in the next year. Hopefully sometimes within the next school year. I'm thinking of doing a program of either a) impressionist works, b) works by American composers, or c) American impressionist music. Man, do I like to make it impossible to find music to play, or what! Right now, I'm practicing on "The Fountain of the Aqua-Paola" by Charles Griffes. I have some other ideas for the rest, but I'll talk about that later. Just wanted to throw this out there so you guys can hold me to it!!

I want to be proud

2008-08-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had one of those moments which, for me, come very infrequently. As I was watching my baby daughter play, MLK Jr's "I Have a Dream" speech was played on the radio in its entirety. Now, normally I'm a pretty cynical person when it comes to affecting real change in our country. But at that moment, thinking about how later that evening I would watch an African-american accept the nomination for president, at that moment I felt so proud. I wanted to say to her "See, we can do it, we can change this world and leave it in better shape for you than it was for me. I promise, we're not going to destroy the future for you. We're going to turn this thing around." I think this is the very first time since either of them were born that I could see a way to a brighter future for them. Actually, it may have been the first time for me to think that far into their future at all.

I've heard so much cynicism regarding this election. So much dismay at choosing Obama because there's so much fear that he won't get elected because of the forces of racism at work in this country. I've heard other afraid of the turmoil that will supposedly break out when he is elected. But this is a pivotal moment. Is it of utmost importance that democrats win this election? Of course. Should we bow to pressures that tell us to take the safe road, that tell us to stick with what we know? Absolutely not. Obama represents the best of what we can be, the change that we all are capable of, that we never quite reach. For the first time in many years, I have hope that I will be able to be proud of my country again. I feel proud that I can raise my children in a country where citizens are brave enough to ignore the racism that resides in all of us, and nominate the best person for the job, no matter what he looks like or what his name is.

Will it be a hard fight? Yes. Do I think the democrats will win? YES! I absolutely think, as Bill Clinton said last night, that Obama is "on the right side of history". You can only fool people for so long. So for all those in power who are trying so hard to hold on to what they've got.... enjoy it while it lasts. Cause we're gunning for you and we're going to take our country back.

A Day of Firsts

2008-08-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

Daniel's little world just got a little bigger. Today was his first day of Mother's Day Out. Now, when I first entertained the idea of sending him to Mother's Day Out, shortly after Georgia was born, I had no idea it would feel like this. I had no idea it would feel so formal, so much like school. Yes, yes, I know its only 2 days a week, 4 hours each day. And as I look at my clock right now, I realized that in a little over an hour and a half it will be time to go pick him up. But it was still hard to leave him. He marched right in, found his cubby all on his own and put his backpack away. Then he helped me put his water bottle away. And then he took his little red square over to the puppet on the wall and said hi. And I was so proud of him. But when he realized that it was time for Mommy to leave, he just turned into one big bawling mess. The teacher scooped him up and started saying " Oh Daniel do you like playdough? Come one let's play with playdough!" As he was screaming. As I left, the only thing I could think of was "He doesn't like playdough, he likes cars and trucks! He won't stop crying until you show him the cars and trucks!" As we drove away, I kept thinking, how is he going to survive unless I'm there to tell everyone what he likes and doesn't like, only I know how to comfort him, only I know how to fix his lunch just so, only I know what kinds of things he can do and can't do.... But, that's where everything is going to be different from here on out. Now, he'll discover new things that he likes that I won't even know about until someone else tells me. He'll discover new abilities that he didn't even know he had, and he'll get to show me. Someone else will learn how this little guy ticks. I'm excited about that, truly I am. But its a little hard for this momma to let go.

I've been thinking a lot about this decision to put him in school. I hate to use the word "school", but that's what it is, for all intents and purposes. I've thought a lot about his personality, about how he can be so very shy and so hesitant to try new things. About how when presented with a room full of toys and potential playmates, he prefers to play with mommy. I give a lot of thought as to whether I'm helping him in those situations. Sometimes I see the patience with which other parents deal with those situations. Sometimes, with another baby in tow, I feel like patience is a luxury I don't have. I need for him to be independant sometimes, I need for him to do for himself. At least that's how it feels sometimes. But the other side of it is that I often have trouble empathizing with him. As a child, I was the one who ran off to play without one look back at mom. My mom always says that I didn't shed a tear my first day of preschool. My son and I couldn't be more different. I think this is partly why I get so exasperated with him sometimes. I look at a given situation and see fun!fun! fun! and he sees only things that frighten and intimidate him. I wish I knew how to show him the way. But maybe the answer is that someone else will have to teach him. I can teach him a lot of things, but I can't teach him everything. So, I hope that by opening his world up a little more, he'll see that other kids can be friends and other adults can be trusted to love and take care of him just like mommy. I have a feeling that he will grow into a little boy that I can't even imagine. But I know he'll be amazing and beautiful, just like he is today.

Milestones!

2008-08-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure who this day is ultimately more important for, Daniel or me. Because today, my friends, the little man pooped in the potty all by himself!!! Now, for some of you, this may seem like a sad commentary on the level of excitement in my life. But for those of you who have changed the dirty diaper of a 35 pound toddler, you know just how exciting this is. And he did it with no prompting, no bribery, no cajoling. I've been going with a new potty tactic today: let him do it all by himself. Though it may cause a lot of nail biting and white-knuckle moments for mom, it seems to be working. Today, like a lot of days around here, has been a pants free day. For the toddler, not me. But with a new twist. Instead of following him around the house constantly (and annoying him, probably), I just told him "If you have to go, just go sit on the potty", left the bathroom door open, and left it at that. And shortly after lunch, I heard him say to himself "Daniel needs to go potty" and lo and behold, he went into the bathroom to make his "deposit". I was flabbergasted! Up to this point, I've not been particularly sure whether we were really potty training or not, or even if he was ready for potty training. Guess that question is answered now. Wish us luck as we forge ahead!

Current cuteness

2008-08-08T12:21:00.001-07:00

I thought this needed its own post. Just some of my favorite kiddo cuteness from the last week or so.

Here's the little dude doing covers of all your favorite childhood songs:

And Georgia is finally getting the hang of that whole solid food thing. That's her up there in all her prune covered glory.

And finally, two of my favorite cute sayings from Daniel this week. Calling Georgia's food "sweet baby-tatoes" and annoucing this morning "Georgia is a cute baby!"

The latest

2008-08-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

So after starting this little blog, I haven't really written too much. I always have things on my mind that I want to say, but somehow they never really make it onto the page.

This past weekend was a mix of good and bad. Good because I got to hang out with one of my oldest and dearest friends who lives across the pond. I always feel that the sign of a real friend is when you can just pick up where you left off, even if you haven't seen each other in quite a while. You just jump right back into the rhythm of your friendship. We did a lot of swimming, snacking, playing with the kids. Oh yeah, and that ridiculously expensive sushi outing. Yum.... it was totally worth every penny. And I'm now a convert to sake.

However, during this lovely weekend visit, my hubby got horribly sick and so we ended up spending many many many hours in the ER. You know how it goes.... Its Sunday (of course), you're out of town (of course). And then some horrible illness hits and what else can you do but go sit and wait with the masses in the emergency room waiting area. For a million years. Actually we were seen fairly quickly, and after some initially harrowing moments, he improved quite a bit. But I ended up staying til 2 something in the morning and he didn't get to leave until 7AM. It was a very very long night. I will say this, though. I don't know how they do it, but those nurses are unbelievably cheery day and night. They were perky, friendly and chatty, even while everyone else in the ER was screaming, crying, and tired. It would have been even more hellacious without them.

How is this possible?

2008-07-18T17:53:00.000-07:00

Georgia is 6 months old! I am very grateful that the newborn days are well in the past, but at the same time, how is she this old already?? I hope my second born baby knows how much I love her, even though I spend most of my day trying to keep Daniel from tearing the house apart. Sometimes it seems like she's a little monkey hanging onto my shoulder, just along for the ride. I hope she doesn't feel ignored just because I can't spend hours and hours mooning into her eyes and giving her oodles of undivided attention.

And of course, it was affirmed today at the pediatrician's office that yes, she is the world's smallest baby. And yes, I've had my fill of all the comments that come with the territory. Like, "Oh my, all of my children weighed more at birth than she does now!" Or, "She's smaller than my 3 week old!" Or, "Look at the tiny baby ya'll! I've never seen one so tiny!" Yeah, okay, she's a peanut. She may be the size of your supersized newborn, but I'll tell you one thing. I'd much rather give birth to a 6 pound baby than a giganto 11 pound superbaby. And one other thing- can your 11 pound baby sit up on their own? I think not.

2008-07-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

This is why its awesome to have two kids. They actually play together now! Okay, its more like playing alongside one another. But no matter what kind of interaction it is, I still think its beautiful.

And speaking of having two of them, I really feel like I've found the new normal. For the first few months, I always felt like I constantly had to divide myself between the two of them. And then, of course, I felt like neither one of them got the total mom that they deserved. But lately I feel like I'm able to give everyone what they need at the same time. Maybe its because Georgia is older, or maybe its because Daniel is older. Or maybe I'm just finding my groove as a mom again. All I know is I have less days of feeling sad over how my relationship with my son will never be the same again and guilt over what I'm not giving my daughter. Life right now is balanced and full.

In fact, I'm feeling recharged enough that I've actually been practicing lately. Having a babysitter helps immensely with this. I'm actually trying to be ambitious and learn a program that might work for a recital in the late spring. We'll see. I just realized that its been 4 years since my master's recital. FOUR YEARS. How did that happen?? And I'm pretty sure that was my last public performance. So, in the word of Wolf Brand Chili, that's been too long. Hopefully by putting this little bit of info out there, my friends will ask my how the piano practice is going, and that will keep me working.

2008-07-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

So, I created this blog a long long time ago, but got distracted and didn't write anything in it. I think maybe the time has come for me to blabber on about my life. I guess the reason why I've procrastinated jumping on the blog bandwagon is 1) sometimes the term "blog" (and all other derivatives) really gives me a pain in my ass and 2) blogs always seem like diaries and I'm not too keen on writing a diary where I can't let it all hang out. Well, I could, but this is kind of public, you know? Anyway, be forewarned that there will be lots of posts about kids and domestic life. Its inevitable when you've got 2 small kiddos who pretty much take up all your time. But there may be a few items about music, politics and theater. Who knows it may even be mildly entertaining