I want to be proud

Yesterday, I had one of those moments which, for me, come very infrequently. As I was watching my baby daughter play, MLK Jr's "I Have a Dream" speech was played on the radio in its entirety. Now, normally I'm a pretty cynical person when it comes to affecting real change in our country. But at that moment, thinking about how later that evening I would watch an African-american accept the nomination for president, at that moment I felt so proud. I wanted to say to her "See, we can do it, we can change this world and leave it in better shape for you than it was for me. I promise, we're not going to destroy the future for you. We're going to turn this thing around." I think this is the very first time since either of them were born that I could see a way to a brighter future for them. Actually, it may have been the first time for me to think that far into their future at all.

I've heard so much cynicism regarding this election. So much dismay at choosing Obama because there's so much fear that he won't get elected because of the forces of racism at work in this country. I've heard other afraid of the turmoil that will supposedly break out when he is elected. But this is a pivotal moment. Is it of utmost importance that democrats win this election? Of course. Should we bow to pressures that tell us to take the safe road, that tell us to stick with what we know? Absolutely not. Obama represents the best of what we can be, the change that we all are capable of, that we never quite reach. For the first time in many years, I have hope that I will be able to be proud of my country again. I feel proud that I can raise my children in a country where citizens are brave enough to ignore the racism that resides in all of us, and nominate the best person for the job, no matter what he looks like or what his name is.

Will it be a hard fight? Yes. Do I think the democrats will win? YES! I absolutely think, as Bill Clinton said last night, that Obama is "on the right side of history". You can only fool people for so long. So for all those in power who are trying so hard to hold on to what they've got.... enjoy it while it lasts. Cause we're gunning for you and we're going to take our country back.

A Day of Firsts

Daniel's little world just got a little bigger. Today was his first day of Mother's Day Out. Now, when I first entertained the idea of sending him to Mother's Day Out, shortly after Georgia was born, I had no idea it would feel like this. I had no idea it would feel so formal, so much like school. Yes, yes, I know its only 2 days a week, 4 hours each day. And as I look at my clock right now, I realized that in a little over an hour and a half it will be time to go pick him up. But it was still hard to leave him. He marched right in, found his cubby all on his own and put his backpack away. Then he helped me put his water bottle away. And then he took his little red square over to the puppet on the wall and said hi. And I was so proud of him. But when he realized that it was time for Mommy to leave, he just turned into one big bawling mess. The teacher scooped him up and started saying " Oh Daniel do you like playdough? Come one let's play with playdough!" As he was screaming. As I left, the only thing I could think of was "He doesn't like playdough, he likes cars and trucks! He won't stop crying until you show him the cars and trucks!" As we drove away, I kept thinking, how is he going to survive unless I'm there to tell everyone what he likes and doesn't like, only I know how to comfort him, only I know how to fix his lunch just so, only I know what kinds of things he can do and can't do.... But, that's where everything is going to be different from here on out. Now, he'll discover new things that he likes that I won't even know about until someone else tells me. He'll discover new abilities that he didn't even know he had, and he'll get to show me. Someone else will learn how this little guy ticks. I'm excited about that, truly I am. But its a little hard for this momma to let go.

I've been thinking a lot about this decision to put him in school. I hate to use the word "school", but that's what it is, for all intents and purposes. I've thought a lot about his personality, about how he can be so very shy and so hesitant to try new things. About how when presented with a room full of toys and potential playmates, he prefers to play with mommy. I give a lot of thought as to whether I'm helping him in those situations. Sometimes I see the patience with which other parents deal with those situations. Sometimes, with another baby in tow, I feel like patience is a luxury I don't have. I need for him to be independant sometimes, I need for him to do for himself. At least that's how it feels sometimes. But the other side of it is that I often have trouble empathizing with him. As a child, I was the one who ran off to play without one look back at mom. My mom always says that I didn't shed a tear my first day of preschool. My son and I couldn't be more different. I think this is partly why I get so exasperated with him sometimes. I look at a given situation and see fun!fun! fun! and he sees only things that frighten and intimidate him. I wish I knew how to show him the way. But maybe the answer is that someone else will have to teach him. I can teach him a lot of things, but I can't teach him everything. So, I hope that by opening his world up a little more, he'll see that other kids can be friends and other adults can be trusted to love and take care of him just like mommy. I have a feeling that he will grow into a little boy that I can't even imagine. But I know he'll be amazing and beautiful, just like he is today.

Milestones!

I'm not sure who this day is ultimately more important for, Daniel or me. Because today, my friends, the little man pooped in the potty all by himself!!! Now, for some of you, this may seem like a sad commentary on the level of excitement in my life. But for those of you who have changed the dirty diaper of a 35 pound toddler, you know just how exciting this is. And he did it with no prompting, no bribery, no cajoling. I've been going with a new potty tactic today: let him do it all by himself. Though it may cause a lot of nail biting and white-knuckle moments for mom, it seems to be working. Today, like a lot of days around here, has been a pants free day. For the toddler, not me. But with a new twist. Instead of following him around the house constantly (and annoying him, probably), I just told him "If you have to go, just go sit on the potty", left the bathroom door open, and left it at that. And shortly after lunch, I heard him say to himself "Daniel needs to go potty" and lo and behold, he went into the bathroom to make his "deposit". I was flabbergasted! Up to this point, I've not been particularly sure whether we were really potty training or not, or even if he was ready for potty training. Guess that question is answered now. Wish us luck as we forge ahead!

Current cuteness

I thought this needed its own post. Just some of my favorite kiddo cuteness from the last week or so.

Here's the little dude doing covers of all your favorite childhood songs:



And Georgia is finally getting the hang of that whole solid food thing. That's her up there in all her prune covered glory.

And finally, two of my favorite cute sayings from Daniel this week. Calling Georgia's food "sweet baby-tatoes" and annoucing this morning "Georgia is a cute baby!"

The latest

So after starting this little blog, I haven't really written too much. I always have things on my mind that I want to say, but somehow they never really make it onto the page.

This past weekend was a mix of good and bad. Good because I got to hang out with one of my oldest and dearest friends who lives across the pond. I always feel that the sign of a real friend is when you can just pick up where you left off, even if you haven't seen each other in quite a while. You just jump right back into the rhythm of your friendship. We did a lot of swimming, snacking, playing with the kids. Oh yeah, and that ridiculously expensive sushi outing. Yum.... it was totally worth every penny. And I'm now a convert to sake.

However, during this lovely weekend visit, my hubby got horribly sick and so we ended up spending many many many hours in the ER. You know how it goes.... Its Sunday (of course), you're out of town (of course). And then some horrible illness hits and what else can you do but go sit and wait with the masses in the emergency room waiting area. For a million years. Actually we were seen fairly quickly, and after some initially harrowing moments, he improved quite a bit. But I ended up staying til 2 something in the morning and he didn't get to leave until 7AM. It was a very very long night. I will say this, though. I don't know how they do it, but those nurses are unbelievably cheery day and night. They were perky, friendly and chatty, even while everyone else in the ER was screaming, crying, and tired. It would have been even more hellacious without them.