The end of the journey

I'm breaking blog silence. I haven't written a single thing here in several months, and certainly haven't chronicled this pregnancy. I guess I've been doing other things besides writing. Tomorrow is the kids' first day back at preschool. New teachers, classes, ect. And I just really really want to be there for that. But, I have to admit, I don't feel like I'm going to be pregnant by the end of this week. I just hope that I'm still pregnant by the end of the day tomorrow! I'd even settle for going into labor a few hours after I pick them up from preschool. I'm not in any hurry to have the baby. Over the last week or so, I've had such a sense of peace and happiness. And also a lot of mixed emotions at this being the last time I'll get to experience this. Its hard to believe that my time in this phase of life, this phase of giving birth and being pregnant, is almost over. Even though in some ways it seems like such a long time ago when I got pregnant for the first time, it has also sped by. From now on, I'll be reminiscing to other women about my pregnancies. It will all be looking back on what I've experienced. I'll never actually be in the club, so to speak, again. I'll always be on the other side. I know that I don't want to go on having babies forever. But, this pregnancy has been such a precious experience. I will forever cherish sharing this with Sean, Daniel and Georgia. Especially all the amazing questions that have come from my kids, and the sweetness they've shown to their sibling even while this baby has been in the womb. Its been amazing. And I've felt such a spirit of support from friends, strangers, everyone. I've gotten to share my pregnancy in person with my close friend in the UK at her wedding. Gotten to hear the stories of pregnancy and birth from her friends, neighbors, family and even strangers there. I've felt such a confidence in this pregnancy. I've felt the whole way through that I know who I am, I trust in my body. And it has opened up amazing conversations with other moms, some who I know, but the majority of whom have been strangers I've just struck up conversations with. I've felt surrounded by wonderful energy and community the whole way through. I guess, I've felt a little like the belle of the ball. Or maybe I've just pampered myself in ways that I haven't since I was pregnant with Daniel. Maybe being pregnant with your last child causes you to focus on yourself in ways that you haven't since your first. Of course I want to meet this little one. I can't wait to see if its a boy or a girl. And to see what we finally name the baby if its a boy! But, as I've said from the beginning.... I want to savor this. I want to cherish this. I will never be on this particular part of my path again, and I don't want to be in too much of a hurry. I know when this baby arrives, our beautiful family will be so complete, so full. I know its not all going to be easy. And there's going to be a lot of chaos and frustration on many days. So, for right now, I'm okay with allowing this baby its last few days of seclusion and mystery. I'm trying to be at peace and not speculate too much on the when/where/how of the start of labor. I just want to be in the moment, trust in my body, and know that here and now is exactly where I'm supposed to be.