SPD is no fun

I'm about to launch into a bunch of negativity aimed at SPD. So, if you'd rather not hear me being a bit of a downer today, perhaps you should move on to happier blogs today.

Some days I wish I didn't know that Daniel has Sensory Processing Disorder. Some days I wish I could just ignore how differently he plays from other kids his age in some ways. Some days I just wish for "normal".

We had a rough time at the park today. It took me right back to how things were a year ago, when he wouldn't climb on stairs or go down slides, or anything like that, because he was scared. We were meeting a friend from his previous preschool, and kid who has parents that Sean and I really click with, and a kid who evidently talked about Daniel a lot at home last year.

Well, at the park it was like Daniel had trouble figuring out how to play with him. And he was confused because, for example, Daniel just wanted to sit on the swings but under no circumstances did he want to be pushed. And this little boy just could not understand how someone wouldn't want to swing as high as humanly possible. And then when they finally did start playing together, it centered on Daniel taking his hat, they played chase, which was all fun and games until the owner of the hat wanted it back. And even though Daniel is actually good about sharing, he wasn't giving that thing up, and despite me trying to use all my calming skills, it devolved into a shoving match between two little boys, rocks being thrown, kids rolling on the ground with lots of screaming and crying and us having to pack up and leave.

Okay, so they're kids. These things happen among kids. I know this, really I do. And this is part of why I despise the label of "sensory processing disorder". I feel like it makes me attribute any odd, socially out of place behavior not to "being 3" but to having this "thing". Today just comes after starting to notice that the other kids don't seem to interact w/Daniel a whole lot (that I can see) at his new school, and I keep wondering if its because he's acting "different". On one hand, Daniel has done amazing things in the last 5 months. He'll go down just about any slide, get on a merry go round, sit in a swing, walk on a balance beam, dress himself, put on shoes.... things I would not have believed he'd ever do 6 months ago. The problem is, it seems like other kids his age are now onto the next round of things. Hanging from monkey bars, getting in to swings all on their own, pumping their legs, doing really daredevil stuff. So, even though he's doing things that are amazing for him, its almost like it doesn't matter because he still can't jump in and do everything his peers are doing. And not that I want him to be like everybody else, but I have seen so many time when another little boy his age will want to play with him, and the other kid will get confused and quickly lose interest because he can't figure out why Daniel doesn't enjoy doing the things that he is doing.

There are different degrees of Sensory Processing Disorder. Daniel is sensory avoiding. Some kids are sensory seekers, meaning that they can swing for hours, run and run and run, climb all over any and everything, and sometimes have a hard time slowing down long enough to attend to a task. Its like movement is a compulsion, rather than something they're doing for fun. I know that has got to be hard for those kids and parents of those kids. But sometimes I wish Daniel has that version of this, since it seems so much more socially acceptable for a boy to be OVER-active, rather than UNDER-active. I feel like he could pass under the radar, or that his behavior could be written off as "boys will be boys".

Maybe what I'm wishing for is a wider range of "normal" for boy's behavior. And more empathetic kids. And for parents to explain that there are lots of different people in the world and we all like to do different things, that we all have different strengths and weaknesses.

I also wish I knew someone who had a kid with the same type of Sensory Processing Disorder that Daniel has. We could get them together, they could line up all their cars and trucks just so, spend a lot of time looking at books together and play counting games. And I could talk to a mom about the frustration of putting on socks, of convincing your child that rain or wind was not going to kill them, of watching other kids do all the things that children are supposed to love to do, except your kid.

Maybe I'm throwing a pity party. Okay, if that's what I'm doing, so be it. I just hate SPD. Hate that it is a label that is associated with my kid, hate that I have to think about who to tell and who not to tell, hate that it takes my attention away from Georgia sometimes, hate that it makes Daniel go to occupational therapy. I hate that its always in the room with me and my kids. I feel like its the monster in the closet that won't go away when you turn out the lights.